Author Archive for Brook Montagna

En-Joy the Holiday! (or ANY Day)
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En-Joy the Holiday! (or ANY Day)

For many, the holiday season is stressful – time, money, family demands, travel, end of year deadlines–the list goes on. Sometimes experiencing sanity seems like a more reasonable goal than experiencing joy! Then, to compound the matter, we often become overly concerned for the joy of family members, friends, co-workers. Though well-intentioned, all this concern tends to  puteven more stressful energy into the holiday craze, fueling the fires of overwhelm.

Joy is always found within. In the time of holiday parties, fancy decorations, family gatherings and shopping! It’s easy to start thinking that joy might be found in many things outside of ourselves. But if we look within to experience joy, we can then en-joy our situations.  That is, we can infuse our environment with joy from our own calm, loving center. The joy we cultivate within makes our whole world an enjoyable place. The stresses still exert their pressures, but we meet them with a sense of peace and hope.
You can practice en-joying the holidays when you commit to an inner calm and presence. This doesn’t happen automatically! We are each capable of great internal chaos, and we are also capable of great inner peace and joy. It takes focus and practice to connect with our own joyful center, and then we impact others with the energy of joy, rather than the energy of tension or stress.  Cultivating your own inner joy will spread out to all and become your true gift for the season–one less gift to stress over!

Some ways to En-Joy, and be a Joy Giver!

Set an intention. How do you want to experience the holidays?   If you plan to be peaceful, fun-loving, helpful, compassionate, or joyful, now is the time to set that intention!  Pick just one or two states of being that have particular meaning for you (such as joyful, or service-minded).  Make the state(s) your focus starting NOW.  You can even use the word(s) as a mantra to help remember your intention.

Make an internal commitment.  It is powerful to make a calm and joyful state of being as your most important focus, as your “purpose.” When making a commitment you are determined that no matter what is happening around you, no matter what you are doing, you make  your chosen state of being your highest priority.

Have a plan for nurturing mindfulness and inner peace.  Set aside time to meditate, journal, read, listen to music, do yoga, be in nature, or engage in the activities that bring you back to a joyous place. Just as important, prepare for those occasions when you might find yourself off-center. Make a list of ways you can take time out to calm yourself, such as going for a walk, refocusing on your breathing, having a cup of tea, calling a friend, reading a particular inspirational passage, or simply looking up at the sky.

Take time to meditate on compassion for others. It’s amazing how joyful you will feel when you wish others well.  A wonderful way to do this is with Loving-Kindness Meditation.  Sit comfortably, slowly and silently repeating the mantra, “May all beings be happy, healthy, safe, and free.”  Include yourself in this blessing, and use it to en-Joy specific people and/or situations.

Gandhi appropriately said “Be the change you want to see in the world”. We can be the joy we want in our world. Have a wonderful and joyous holiday season!

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National Forgiveness Day–Celebrate Mindfully

October 30 is National Forgiveness Day, a day for mindful reflection and release. Wouldn’t you like to enter the holiday season with less baggage from the past?  How would it feel to approach the holidays with peace instead of anger, acceptance instead of frustration and anticipation instead of apprehension? Forgiveness is the key….

Forgiveness:

The Ultimate Act of Self-Care

Forgiving can sometimes seem impossible. Some crimes are so egregious we really struggle to find a way to forgive the perpetrator. If someone is so completely “wrong” then why should I forgive him or her? What if they just keep doing the same awful things again and again – how can I forgive that?

Take a moment to think about what the word forgiveness means to you. What is your definition of forgiving?

The New Oxford American Dictionary that is built into my MacBook defines forgiveness as: to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

Now let this definition sink in a minute. Forgiveness means to stop feeling angry. What a great idea that is! What if we re-phrase the question “Can I forgive him/her?” and instead ask “Would I like to stop being angry?” The answer is almost always YES! Of course, this is easier said than done. Forgiving may require learning new skills to process anger until we are left with peaceful feelings – but it’s worth it!

A lot of us have some resistance to forgiving. We feel that forgiving means we condone someone’s bad behavior or somehow justify or excuse what they’ve done. Or we may withhold forgiveness until we feel we fully understand what happened or their actions somehow “make sense” to us.

The good news is we don’t need anything in order to forgive. Forgiving someone—yourself or someone else—is simply letting go of the anger around what has happened. You don’t have to forget or turn a blind eye. If the person you live with punches you every time you come home, you can forgive that person, but it’s wise to also stop living with that one!

You just have to know that withholding forgiveness means keeping yourself imprisoned in a state of anger. You are the jailor and you are also the inmate. If you haven’t already noticed, this has nothing to do with the other person or situation that has upset you. Forgiving someone else means setting yourself free.

If the truth will set you free, then so will forgiveness. The truth is, upsetting deeds continue on only in the heart of the person who has not forgiven. In other words, while the “bad deed” may be long finished and gone, the unforgiving person replays it over and over in his or her mind and body. So even though you may have felt cheated once, perhaps you have been cheating yourself ever since by withholding your forgiveness. The solution: begin to forgive yourself and then forgive others.

Understanding Forgiveness

Forgiveness IS NOT:

Condoning or agreeing with hurtful behavior.

Ignoring your pain.

Something you “should” do.

A way to get the upper hand.

Creating a new story to justify what happened.

Making excuses or reasons so that the event “makes sense.”

Healthy Forgiveness IS:

Non-resistance to what has happened

Accepting ‘what is’ without a story of blame, guilt or final judgment

Living in the moment, realizing that whatever has occurred up until this time is over.

Freeing yourself and life to begin again.

Seeing each moment as a clean slate, an opportunity for growth, learning, and freedom to live in love.

Willingness to give life another chance, to reserve final judgment.

How to begin to forgive

Begin with meditation and mindfulness practices focused on accepting your own feelings with love and kindness. When you can approach your own feelings with a kind and loving attitude, then turn your attention to friends and family and share that attitude with them in your mind and your heart. As you improve at this practice, you will learn how to regard situations – even those old enough to have gathered some moss – with love and kindness, with forgiveness. And there’s no better time than Now to begin.

Are you ready to set yourself free by forgiving?

Editor’s note: Having trouble with forgiveness or moving forward in your own life? Mindful Life Coaching can help! Brook Montagna, Certified Life Coach coaches her clients to live more peacefully and create greater success and joy in their lives. To schedule an appointment, call Brook at 805.640.2445 or email her at brook@mindfullifecoach.com.

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  • Get Cozy in Comfortable and Chic Fashions

    Aspen

    Aspen

    On the slopes or at a holiday gathering, you'll be a hit when you cozy up in this lovely chocolate-colored cowl-neck sweater dress. The elegantly-draped collar and slim fitting wool knit silhouette will be sure to keep you warm in the cold days ahead.  (Please note: the hemline of the dress hits at the knee and is four inches longer than  it appears in the photographs.)

     
    The dress is made of chocolate-colored wool/knit. 
     
    To care for this dress, hand wash and hang to dry.
     
    This dress fits true to size.
     
     


    Aspen