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Top Five Reasons To Not Over-Parent

By Kika Gutierrez on Oct 31, 2011 in Me Time!

It may be one of the toughest things for parents to understand but it could be one of the most critical factors to successful parenting.

Teenager sleeping Helicoptering is the newest trend to hit the streets of parenthood. Popping up in the baby-booomer generation, helicopter parenting describes a new style of raising children by sheltering and micromanaging their lives. The world we live in today can be a dangerous one and because of that many parents instill the notion of “stranger danger” in their kids early on. However, in recent years it has gone far beyond the fear of their child’s face on the 6 o’clock news due to some horrific tragedy. Nowadays, parents are worrying about far more than just safety and well-being.

While it’s perfectly natural to take an interest in your children’s safety and success, obsessing over potential dangers lurking around the corner, as well as stressing over their future, can be detrimental for young adults once they attempt to leave the nest.

Here are five reasons why letting go of the leash can be a healthy choice for your children as well as for you.

Children are more likely to succeed
It will make you a better parent
Strengthen the relationship
Stress isn’t helping your health
Turn the tables

Children are more likely to succeed

Show them that you’re confident in their decisions. Guide them in the right direction, don’t drag them by the collar towards what you see best. As a matter of fact, studies have suggested that children who aren’t hovered over develop into effective problem solvers–a tool that will prove to be crucial in today’s fast-paced society. If they don’t succeed they’ll learn valuable life lessons on how to pick themselves back up again.

It will make you a better parent

Believe it or not, your emotional wellbeing rubs off on your children. According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, 39 percent of children reported that a parent’s stress makes them sad and worried. Instead of smothering them, try taking time out for yourself. After you feel rejuvenated you’ll be a happier and healthier parent.

Strengthen the relationship

When you bombard your teens with overprotective hovering, they tend to shy away from sharing time with you. Give them some space and who knows? Maybe you’ll be able to try that cooking class you’ve been talking about.

Stress isn’t helping your health

The stress from constantly worrying can wear on you. According to Dr. Robyn Silverman, many parents nowadays view their child’s success or defeat as a reflection on their parenting, which can result in self-doubt and depression.

Turn the tables

Do you honestly want to be in your 40s and 50s and still raising and parenting an adult child? If they were given skills to succeed as a child, maybe they will be successful enough to be taking care of you someday.

So maybe it is time to let them grow by finally letting go. Allowing children the freedom to make mistakes, giving them an opportunity to mature and develop, and simultaneously enabling yourself some well deserved relaxation, results in a win-win. And after all, that’s what parenting is all about–raising children to be intelligent and self reliant adults.

Avoid Identity Theft

By Merielle Redwine on Oct 13, 2011 in Me Time!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year and, with all of the shopping and spending you will be doing, the last thing you need is to worry about credit card identity theft.

Credit card identity theft is when all or some of your credit card information is taken and used by one or several people to spend your money.

Jeff Redwine had his credit card identity stolen twice, and found out about it through his bank. They called to make sure the charges were fraud, canceled the card, and then reimbursed him.

“For the first time (the San Diego trip) I don’t know what was different about any of the times I used my Visa. “I really didn’t suspect anything at the time,” he stated.
On a second occasion he was suspicious of a small vendor that wrote down his credit card number in order to make the purchase.

He will never know for certain if that was what caused the theft, but Eric Maciel, a credit card counselor, suggests that if you are suspicious you should “contact the proper authorities so they can at least start investigating it because if you were able to avoid it, that doesn’t mean somebody else did.”

By being proactive and also reactive, you can limit the damage credit card identity can cause to your bank account. The two ways to do this are to change your spending habits and to know as soon as possible when someone is using your bank account.

The most common ways it could happen are:

-stolen credit card

-stolen mail from the garbage/trash

-putting a device in an ATM that scans the information

-fraud business emails from people posing as a company you trust such as an electric company

-an employee of a store writing down the number of the credit card

As for spending habits, it may seem like common sense, but there are just a few simple steps to take to protect yourself against crime.

The first thing to remember is that you are vulnerable while using your credit card.

Sometimes it is obvious where you should not be using your credit card–for example in a non-bank ATM or small vendor–but sometimes it isn’t so obvious. When you’re out shopping , the safest route may be to use cash whenever you can.

Simple and easy.

For the reactive way, Maciel advises to “check your credit card and banking statements every single month because if you don’t, it could be months or years before you notice [an out ordinary purchase].”

If there is one, contact your bank immediately to cancel the credit card.

Maciel also thinks that it is important not to stress out about it too much because of this “even if it does happen, credit card companies, banks will usually be more than glad to help you as a way to keep your business.”

10 easy tips for protecting yourself while shopping over the holidays:

1. Use cash whenever possible.

2. Carry credit cards only when necessary.

3. Keep credit and debit cards separate from the rest of your wallet.

4. Do not use ATMs from non-bank machines.

5. Check bank statements every month and make sure there are no ordinary purchases

6. Contact your bank immediately if there are any purchases you don’t recognize on your credit card.

7. Contact your bank and proper authorities if you see anything suspicious.

8. Know that, even if something were to happen, your bank will help you every step of the way–so don’t stress out.

9. Shred any mail that might have personal information.

10. Do not respond to mail or email that seems illegitimate, strange like it could be fraud.

Living in the Moment

By Phoebe Chongchua on Sep 29, 2011 in Me Time!

“We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that
each moment of life is a miracle and mystery.” ~ H. G. Wells.

There are so many times that I have caught myself living outside of the moment. I’m sure you can relate to this experience—it seems to be the way of our hectic, over-extended, and rushed lifestyle in America.

Stress is a Choice

By Phoebe Chongchua on Feb 21, 2011 in Me Time!

Stress is chosen-not something that happens to you. How you react to that proposition is likely an indication of how you handle life’s ups and downs. Those who believe stress is nearly impossible to avoid find they are in stressful situations routinely. But those who believe they can choose their reactions to a situation often find their lives are less stressful.

Let’s say you’re on your way to an important meeting when a traffic accident occurs, instantly slowing the flow and forcing you to creep along the freeway. In that moment, if you automatically deem the situation to be negative then it’s likely you’ll be frustrated, upset, and stressed. But if you view the situation as neutral, you recognize that these types of things are simply out of your control-you realize that your reaction to the accident is what’s within your control, and you choose to be peaceful, then you will have a stress-free ride to your meeting.

So simple, yet so difficult to do when we’re actually in a situation like that.

I’ve read many books about how to handle stress, how to diminish it, and how to escape its ill effects-most of the time stress is talked about as though it were the flu and people have to hope and pray they don’t catch it. Stress is often seen as something that’s floating around in our world and if you’re not very careful it’ll attack you.

I used to view stress that way. But I’ve adopted a new attitude about stress. I view stress as a chosen reaction to circumstances and therefore if I choose to I can elect to have a different reaction.

It’s amazing the power our mind has over the experiences we have in life. I recently visited Chama, New Mexico for business and pleasure. While I was there I thought a lot about what a stress-free lifestyle these people must have. After all, how stressful can life be when you live in a tiny town with wide-open fields and so few cars on the road that traffic congestion would be seeing five cars backed up on the double-lane road into town? (Okay, for those addicted to fast-paced living that thought alone probably creates stress for you!) But my point here is that it’s not the environment that creates the stress-it’s the way we choose to see our environment and circumstances. If you believe that you can only relax and be stress-free in the country, in a hot tub, while getting a massage, etc. you’re setting yourself up for limited moments of stress-free living. Instead, if you realize that even in situations and environments that most would deem stressful you can choose peace, then your mind will take you to those stress-free places even during intense moments of chaos. Your mind is so powerful that you can think your way out of a stressful situation. The problem is that’s not normal or common in our society.

Most people are so used to dealing with stress that subconsciously they bring more and more stressful situations into their lives. They talk about the problems in their lives, the negativity, and all the things they don’t want. Then, as though they beckoned it into their lives, those problems and negative and stressful situations increase. You’ve heard this before: focus on what you want to get bigger-the problem or the solution. People who make valiant efforts to live stress-free, talk incessantly about the positive things in their lives, what they have to be happy about, and the good they are creating every day.

It’s that simple; and while it certainly may be easier to practice this when you’re on vacation or in a place that you typically view as stress-free, bringing home the skill to choose your reaction to all situations will empower and enrich you to live stress-free no matter where and what is happening in your life.

Renegotiating Valentine’s Day

By Jessica Plancich on Feb 10, 2011 in Me Time!

At this time of year, with the ominous V-Day looming up, I can almost tangibly feel the collective emotional heart clinch. Men in relationships may experience that telltale thud in the chest. You know what I’m talking about–the thought alone of Valentine’s Day causes some men to desperately seek the “ultimate” expression of love. Then they quickly scan their bank account to see what they can afford.

Perhaps you’re of the female persuasion, dreaming and creating expectations of how your man “should” show you his ultimate love (simultaneously recalling what he’s done or not done in the past to live up to this impossible standard). Or maybe you’re flying solo and this time of year is a nasty Hallmark reminder that you’ve yet to pair up. The “day of love” has created all kinds of untruths in your psyche about how neurotic, damaged or unlovable you are (and whether you should call that ex of yours). Then, on second thought, maybe you’ll just boycott the whole thing and get loaded with your friends instead. Not that I’ve experienced any of the above….
What if we could collectively reconfigure our relationship with this commercialized day? What if you could renegotiate and instead see this as an opportunity to reconnect with the heart and its sensational role in your life? In a country where heart disease is our leading killer, it’s time that we care for the electromagnetic center of our vessels. In addition to taking physical measures toward heart health (regular exercise, a diet high in Omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants and dark leafy greens, and taking deep breaths to spread oxygenated blood to your body) you can also take emotional and spiritual measures to care for this special organ.

As if you needed more convincing that this a serious matter, according to The Institute of HeartMath, heart signals significantly impact brain functioning and influence emotional processing as well as perception, memory and problem solving. The brain continuously responds to the heart. Caring for the heart is caring for your brain, your emotions and cognitive functioning. Most important, in my 10+ years of clinical practice, I’m convinced that our hearts are literally breaking because we are cut off from the vibration of love. Not the romantic kind, but the omniscient, unconditional kind of love that can come anytime and always if you’re open to receiving it. It’s opening up to love in all circumstances: to love for your cup of coffee, love for the gas in your car, love for the fact that your mom loves you enough to keep nagging you, love for the opportunity to stop right now in this moment and breathe into the space of your heart and know that you’re lovable, simply because you exist.

So, take the time to celebrate anahata (Sanscrit for heart center) by recommitting to the health of the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects of your heart. Try giving and receiving love with those in your life, from the store clerk to your coworker…a smile, a hug, a nod of appreciation and a sacred pause to let it flow.

Jessica Plancich

Be the Love!

Choose Omega 3’s- flax seeds and salmon
Set a reminder on your phone to breathe deeply at intervals during the day
Floss and brush your teeth regularly–oral and heart health are related
Receive more-–take that compliment, say yes to others’ offers to do nice things for you and stop to bask in the sunshine
Be a walking love bomb–give freely sans expectations to those around you

En-Joy the Holiday! (or ANY Day)

By Brook Montagna on Dec 23, 2010 in Featured, Me Time!

For many, the holiday season is stressful – time, money, family demands, travel, end of year deadlines–the list goes on. Sometimes experiencing sanity seems like a more reasonable goal than experiencing joy! Then, to compound the matter, we often become overly concerned for the joy of family members, friends, co-workers. Though well-intentioned, all this concern tends to puteven more stressful energy into the holiday craze, fueling the fires of overwhelm.

Joy is always found within. In the time of holiday parties, fancy decorations, family gatherings and shopping! It’s easy to start thinking that joy might be found in many things outside of ourselves. But if we look within to experience joy, we can then en-joy our situations. That is, we can infuse our environment with joy from our own calm, loving center. The joy we cultivate within makes our whole world an enjoyable place. The stresses still exert their pressures, but we meet them with a sense of peace and hope.
You can practice en-joying the holidays when you commit to an inner calm and presence. This doesn’t happen automatically! We are each capable of great internal chaos, and we are also capable of great inner peace and joy. It takes focus and practice to connect with our own joyful center, and then we impact others with the energy of joy, rather than the energy of tension or stress. Cultivating your own inner joy will spread out to all and become your true gift for the season–one less gift to stress over!

Some ways to En-Joy, and be a Joy Giver!

Set an intention. How do you want to experience the holidays? If you plan to be peaceful, fun-loving, helpful, compassionate, or joyful, now is the time to set that intention! Pick just one or two states of being that have particular meaning for you (such as joyful, or service-minded). Make the state(s) your focus starting NOW. You can even use the word(s) as a mantra to help remember your intention.

Make an internal commitment. It is powerful to make a calm and joyful state of being as your most important focus, as your “purpose.” When making a commitment you are determined that no matter what is happening around you, no matter what you are doing, you make your chosen state of being your highest priority.

Have a plan for nurturing mindfulness and inner peace. Set aside time to meditate, journal, read, listen to music, do yoga, be in nature, or engage in the activities that bring you back to a joyous place. Just as important, prepare for those occasions when you might find yourself off-center. Make a list of ways you can take time out to calm yourself, such as going for a walk, refocusing on your breathing, having a cup of tea, calling a friend, reading a particular inspirational passage, or simply looking up at the sky.

Take time to meditate on compassion for others. It’s amazing how joyful you will feel when you wish others well. A wonderful way to do this is with Loving-Kindness Meditation. Sit comfortably, slowly and silently repeating the mantra, “May all beings be happy, healthy, safe, and free.” Include yourself in this blessing, and use it to en-Joy specific people and/or situations.

Gandhi appropriately said “Be the change you want to see in the world”. We can be the joy we want in our world. Have a wonderful and joyous holiday season!

National Forgiveness Day–Celebrate Mindfully

By Brook Montagna on Oct 30, 2010 in Me Time!

October 30 is National Forgiveness Day, a day for mindful reflection and release. Wouldn’t you like to enter the holiday season with less baggage from the past? How would it feel to approach the holidays with peace instead of anger, acceptance instead of frustration and anticipation instead of apprehension? Forgiveness is the key….

Forgiveness:

The Ultimate Act of Self-Care

Forgiving can sometimes seem impossible. Some crimes are so egregious we really struggle to find a way to forgive the perpetrator. If someone is so completely “wrong” then why should I forgive him or her? What if they just keep doing the same awful things again and again – how can I forgive that?

Take a moment to think about what the word forgiveness means to you. What is your definition of forgiving?

The New Oxford American Dictionary that is built into my MacBook defines forgiveness as: to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

Now let this definition sink in a minute. Forgiveness means to stop feeling angry. What a great idea that is! What if we re-phrase the question “Can I forgive him/her?” and instead ask “Would I like to stop being angry?” The answer is almost always YES! Of course, this is easier said than done. Forgiving may require learning new skills to process anger until we are left with peaceful feelings – but it’s worth it!

A lot of us have some resistance to forgiving. We feel that forgiving means we condone someone’s bad behavior or somehow justify or excuse what they’ve done. Or we may withhold forgiveness until we feel we fully understand what happened or their actions somehow “make sense” to us.

The good news is we don’t need anything in order to forgive. Forgiving someone—yourself or someone else—is simply letting go of the anger around what has happened. You don’t have to forget or turn a blind eye. If the person you live with punches you every time you come home, you can forgive that person, but it’s wise to also stop living with that one!

You just have to know that withholding forgiveness means keeping yourself imprisoned in a state of anger. You are the jailor and you are also the inmate. If you haven’t already noticed, this has nothing to do with the other person or situation that has upset you. Forgiving someone else means setting yourself free.

If the truth will set you free, then so will forgiveness. The truth is, upsetting deeds continue on only in the heart of the person who has not forgiven. In other words, while the “bad deed” may be long finished and gone, the unforgiving person replays it over and over in his or her mind and body. So even though you may have felt cheated once, perhaps you have been cheating yourself ever since by withholding your forgiveness. The solution: begin to forgive yourself and then forgive others.

Understanding Forgiveness

Forgiveness IS NOT:

Condoning or agreeing with hurtful behavior.

Ignoring your pain.

Something you “should” do.

A way to get the upper hand.

Creating a new story to justify what happened.

Making excuses or reasons so that the event “makes sense.”

Healthy Forgiveness IS:

Non-resistance to what has happened

Accepting ‘what is’ without a story of blame, guilt or final judgment

Living in the moment, realizing that whatever has occurred up until this time is over.

Freeing yourself and life to begin again.

Seeing each moment as a clean slate, an opportunity for growth, learning, and freedom to live in love.

Willingness to give life another chance, to reserve final judgment.

How to begin to forgive

Begin with meditation and mindfulness practices focused on accepting your own feelings with love and kindness. When you can approach your own feelings with a kind and loving attitude, then turn your attention to friends and family and share that attitude with them in your mind and your heart. As you improve at this practice, you will learn how to regard situations – even those old enough to have gathered some moss – with love and kindness, with forgiveness. And there’s no better time than Now to begin.

Are you ready to set yourself free by forgiving?

Editor’s note: Having trouble with forgiveness or moving forward in your own life? Mindful Life Coaching can help! Brook Montagna, Certified Life Coach coaches her clients to live more peacefully and create greater success and joy in their lives. To schedule an appointment, call Brook at 805.640.2445 or email her at brook@mindfullifecoach.com.

Core Principles of Pilates–Good Life Lessons

By Phoebe Chongchua on Oct 19, 2010 in Me Time!

I am going through my Pilates mat certification training and it occurred to me why I really love this exercise. You see, I started on the reformers (equipment), learning not only about Pilates through my trainer Dave Hall at Pilates People but also how this whole amazing form of working out can reshape my body, my mind, and help heal my then-aching back.

Today, I am going back to the basics and learning about the mat and floor routines that Joseph Pilates brought to this country more than 100 years ago. Donna Parsons of Pilates of North County is introducing me to how just 34 exercises can take you to an entirely different depth of exploration physically and mentally.
But at the root of my desire to stretch and strengthen my body and mind is the not-so- obvious (at least, maybe not to beginners) connection that Joseph Pilates had intended. When I review the core principles: breathing, concentration, control, centering, precision, balanced muscle development, rhythm/flow, whole body movement, and relaxation—it’s clear to me that this is a lot more than just a powerful, core-strengthening workout. Pilates is about finding your peace, reducing your stress, being present, performing at an optimal level and with true concentration throughout your exercise and ultimately throughout your life.

Just like with some other workouts, yoga, tai chi, karate—to name a few—there are also principles that impart a good lesson for living well. The problem is, many people forget about those core principles and instead hurry through a workout. So, for instance, making use of the breath in exercises such as yoga and Pilates is often an afterthought (if even a thought at all). Yet, those all-important breaths can gently guide you through difficult exercises. Those all-important breaths throughout the day can help you avoid internalizing stress. They can create space, peace, and genuine moments of relaxation in an otherwise chaotic and uncertain world.

From the core principles of Pilates we can learn a great deal about living better including how to develop and maintain better posture. Concentration talks about the focus you put on what your body is doing while you are performing the exercise. This translates to being present in the moment and conscious about how you are living your life. All too often, I, like many people, find myself lost in another moment—one that was long ago or one that is still to come. When we intensely stay in the now, without other distractions, life and all its rich flavor comes to life. We can fully experience life—the good and bad. Pain is felt and dealt with—not, suppressed for decades, waiting to be unearthed in some therapist’s office. Happiness is experienced in a more meaningful way and without the distractions that come from a lack of concentration.

Centering and rhythm/flow are more solid principles that express that life is to be lived fully, harmoniously, and in a flowing form. Struggling through life, resisting the downs is like believing you can escape death. The lows of life are inevitable but the centering of our inner being, the healthy rhythm that we develop in everyday living gracefully takes us effortlessly from one moment to the next. Creating this moment the way you like and stringing together moment after moment lived as you wish—is the way to an everlasting balance and rhythmic flow.

The Meaning Of Life

By Phoebe Chongchua on Oct 18, 2010 in Me Time!

It came to me in an email-a message about the meaning of life. The 18-year-old nephew of a dear longtime friend of mine suffered heart failure recently. The next door neighbor was a paramedic-he rushed over to help even before an ambulance arrived. When tragedy strikes a life so young, it can leave us enraged, confused, hurt and searching for the meaning of life.

I think we all at some point wonder why we’re here. What is our purpose? Will I fulfill it? And why must we all suffer?

Making sense of bad situations is about as difficult as trying to live life without ever making a mistake. So, most of us learn to get by and through the bad times, knowing that this too shall pass. We read books, such as “When Bad Things Happen to Good People.” And maybe for a while we feel that we understand. Perhaps, all of us have, at one time or another, blocked out the pain in our lives by hardening our hearts; so it is a constant conscientious effort that we have to put forth to keep our hearts from turning bitter. I have been very blessed to be surrounded by people who keep on loving, learning and influencing others with their joy and enthusiasm for life despite their circumstances. It’s taught me what I believe is the true meaning of life.

Life is about gratitude-living with a grateful attitude of giving thanks for all you have.

It is about giving from your heart, not your head.

Life is about following your dreams. A very interesting article, written by Dr. Gene Cohen in Newsweek Magazine on the subject of midlife crisis, explores the idea of why in our 40s and 50s we often begin to re-evaluate our lives. The author writes about a growing awareness of our own mortality and a new perspective of who we are and what matters most to us. These things become the catalyst for further personal discovery. But sometimes that can cause conflict as we may begin to realize that the life we’re living is not the one we’d really like to pursue.

Life is about seeing things the way you want them to be. In the midlife crisis article, Dr. Cohen noted that only 10 percent of those people he studied described the midlife transition as a “crisis”. If you want to see things differently, then change the way you look at them.

The meaning of life is discovered in the way you live your life every day. The meaning of life is found in how you invest your time-from the people you choose to spend time with to the things that occupy your days.

The meaning of life is about creating and living a loving life. In another article from Newsweek by Dr. Dean Ornish, he clearly draws the connection between love and our health. He wrote that “love protects your heart in ways that we don’t completely understand.” Dr. Ornish cited a study at Yale that “men and women who felt the most loved and supported had substantially less blockage in their coronary arteries.”

I end where we began, by sharing with you that, miraculously and thankfully, my friend’s nephew, after much medical attention, especially from the neighbor, is alive and hopefully headed for recovery. This blessing is more evidence that the meaning of life is also about learning how we are meant to help each other.

Stress Is A Choice

By Phoebe Chongchua on Oct 18, 2010 in Me Time!

So simple, yet so difficult to do when we’re actually in a situation like that.

Get Cozy in Comfortable and Chic Fashions

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Page 1 of 212 »

Category: Me Time!

Top Five Reasons To Not Over-Parent

Avoid Identity Theft

Living in the Moment

Stress is a Choice

Renegotiating Valentine’s Day

En-Joy the Holiday! (or ANY Day)

National Forgiveness Day–Celebrate Mindfully

Core Principles of Pilates–Good Life Lessons

The Meaning Of Life

Stress Is A Choice

Get Cozy in Comfortable and Chic Fashions

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